I have a strange feeling this woman smells like a pear tree. Listen. Ellen Page is hot. This game involves Ellen Page being hot and also being haunted by a dead ghost companion, Aiden. She controls Aiden (sort of) and has him do a bunch of cool shit like flip tables and kill people. This is a pretty strange concept for a game right? Hang on there, cowboy, because it is actually pretty fun.
Still interested? Read on. Or don't. I don't really give a shit.
Still interested? Read on. Or don't. I don't really give a shit.
"Oh lawdy!" So what is this whole spirit haunting thing about?
From the game's wiki: "Aiden is an Entity that has been linked to Jodie Holmes since birth. They are connected by an etherial tether, that can be seen when switching to Aiden's view. This tether acts as a spiritual link between Jodie and Aiden that keeps Aiden bound to Jodie. Though he can go farther away from Jodie in some situations, the separation causes Jodie excessive amounts of pain and lasting disorientation. Throughout the game, Aiden shows that he is capable of human emotion through his interactions with Jodie and his own frustration at the restraining tether." Did you read all that? Me either. It's ok. Read on:
From the game's wiki: "Aiden is an Entity that has been linked to Jodie Holmes since birth. They are connected by an etherial tether, that can be seen when switching to Aiden's view. This tether acts as a spiritual link between Jodie and Aiden that keeps Aiden bound to Jodie. Though he can go farther away from Jodie in some situations, the separation causes Jodie excessive amounts of pain and lasting disorientation. Throughout the game, Aiden shows that he is capable of human emotion through his interactions with Jodie and his own frustration at the restraining tether." Did you read all that? Me either. It's ok. Read on:
See Ellen Page be crampy in HD. Now I don't want to go into a super in depth discussion about the game's deep metaphysical and spiritual ideals, because who really has time for that shit?
This isn't so much a "game" as it is an interactive movie like the game's predecessors "Heavy Rain" and "Indigo Prophecy". You progress through the game making decisions, these decisions affect the game's ending. There are like 20 endings, or something. I have only seen one because I don't have time to play them all. I have pictures of cats and Bruce Willis eating cats to look at. Moving on.
This isn't so much a "game" as it is an interactive movie like the game's predecessors "Heavy Rain" and "Indigo Prophecy". You progress through the game making decisions, these decisions affect the game's ending. There are like 20 endings, or something. I have only seen one because I don't have time to play them all. I have pictures of cats and Bruce Willis eating cats to look at. Moving on.
"You're being a saucy bitch" Now, Willem Dafoe is also in this game. Willem Dafoe is a scientist who gets really butt hurt about his wife and kid dying, and so he takes Ellen Page and mistakes her for his own daughter kind of, I'm not sure, but it seems pretty rapey. I am not alarmed however, because Willem Dafoe is a major boss. He gives an outstanding performance of being awesome. At one point in the game, Willem Dafoe gets kinda cray cray. Who can blame him though? He has to deal with a very hormonal woman.
 "How do I tree?" | This game lasts about 10 hours or so if you rush through it not stopping to think or breathe. I think I took one bathroom break, and stopped to eat some cheesecake as well. You can play the game with one or two players, with the second player controlling Aiden. One of my favorite parts of this game is when you have to fight this spirit thing haunting these god damn indians in Arizona. It is awesome. Ellen Page rides a horse and the PS3's graphics have never looked better. |
"I have to kill myself, because he said i'm too clingy" At one point Ellen Page joins the FBI or CIA, I can't remember. She becomes awesome and kicks a bunch of ass. Then she meets this dude and wants to do him. She cooks him dinner and her ghost, Aiden, gets all butt hurt. Everybody pretty much gets butt hurt throughout this game. Lots of feelings and other things that aren't 'MURICA occur, but I can't remember, if it doesn't involve George Washington riding an elephant, i'm really not interested.
"Oh Jeff Goldblum, you are the true hero of the moon!" You'll have to play the game to understand what's going on in the picture on the left. In fact, this is pretty much the only reason to play this game. Just kidding, there are lots of reasons to play this game, and I won't tell you about all of them because you can read about this game in other reviews. This is the review for A.D.D. people to read because I forgot what I was going to say next, but I think it involved Jackie Chan or ice cream. Ice cream is fucking delicious.
Compelled to play this game yet? Let me compel you with this picture from Official Playstation Magazine. I think they really hit it on the head.
Buy or Rent: Final verdict? Rent this game, it is short. Save your $60. Red box is like $2. Way better idea. You could buy a lot of margarine for your remaining $58.
 The whole game was actually acted out. Pretty cool huh. |  Never trust a musician though. |
Let me leave you with this last thought: who would win in a fight? Katie Holmes dressed as batman, or batman dressed as Winona Ryder?
RSS Feed